Found this in my notes, and I kind of like the shape of it.
Having cancer as an IT worker feels a little like I’d imagine having leprosy felt for anyone not so long ago. People no longer trust themselves around you, and they no longer trust you to touch anything that other people also have to touch.
As the date of your treatment comes closer your professional life becomes steadily emptier and you begin to notice people walking and talking past you when before they might have come to you for answers. You sense a reluctance to trust your judgement.
All of these things have a basis – you are likely going to be unavailable for a long period, after all – but it’s a strange sensation. IT workers are typically narrow, deep silos of knowledge, critical to their own functions.
Losing that primacy feels a little like disappearing. No longer does anyone really care that much about what you think, where you are, whether you’re available. You’re untouchable.
Well, no. That’s overdramatic. You’re just locked away from all the good stuff. But you’ve got enough time to ponder your uncleanness.